Pure Darkness and Pain

Here I am, executing a cheapskate style of surfing. Just a glass of beverage (air kosong will not be tolerated) and the virtual world is at your fingertips. Depends on your lappie’s endurance though.

Ages back, since the last entry. With no computer back home, it is a painstaking job to go back and forth the CC for entry posting. And it is costing me, too. It was a hard decision to make, since I could hardly survive a day without venturing into the virtual realm for the usual fix. When circumstances hold you by the neck, you couldn’t do anything but stay still, like a good canine.

Truthfully speaking, my life then and now were nothing short of a sad stories. Pretty much like those crappy sinetrons from Indonesia, that went by year by year, season after another, jam packed with sad, torturing thoughts and plots. Imagine living with bad thoughts & feelings breathing down your neck,day in and day out. Damn, I felt like a Dementor performing its kiss on me everyday.

I did try those positive thinking abracadabra. I kept on reminding myself of that fabled ‘sunshine at the end of the tunnel‘. I am ever thankful for Mak,who keep on projecting positive thoughts through out these dire, sad times. Without her, I would be strolling down the Mental Lane right now. But my bro was not as lucky as I am.

The dark clouds surrounding my life shows no sign of retreating. It will be long and hard. But I have to face it nonetheless. To face it alone, is not what I like to do. But, does it sound any better than to have all the people around me sucked into the vortex?

Time and tide will tell, for even the wisest cannot outsmart ALLAH. I am ever thankful for I am not left astray. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji’un. And please, cut the ‘ada orang mati ke’ crap. The phrase doesn’t entitled for the someone’s passing totally, but for the troubled mind and soul also. Just like mine.

Godspeed for me.